Law Office of Deborah J. Monaco

posted by Attorney Monaco on Jul 19

No matter which spouse has decided to seek a divorce and regardless of what caused the breakdown of the marriage, both spouses will typically enter a phase of emotional adjustment to the reality that the relationship is really over. Psychologists who have studied the divorce process have concluded that going through the process of terminating your marriage is very much like the process of losing someone dear to us. Grief is the emotional suffering we feel after a loss of some kind. While the grief that preceeds or accompanies such a loss can seem unbearable, it is actually a healing process. Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross has named five stages of grief people go through following a serious loss. Sometimes people get stuck in one of the first four stages. Their lives can be painful until they move to the fifth stage - acceptance.

Five Stages Of Grief
1. Denial. At first, we tend to deny that the marriage is really ending. You may be thinking that a divorce won’t really be necessary if you just give it a little more time since the marital problems really aren’t all that bad. This stage may last a few moments, or longer.
2. Anger. The grieving person may then be furious at the person who inflicted the hurt, or at the world, for letting it happen. You may be angry with yourself for letting the event take place, even if, realistically, nothing could have stopped it.
3. Bargaining. Now the grieving person may make bargains with God or even their spouse that they’ll do things differently to make the divorce stop.
4. Depression. The person feels numb, although anger and sadness may remain underneath.
5. Acceptance. This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off. The person simply accepts the reality of the loss.

People facing divorce may go through these stages in any order. Sometimes you might even repeat a stage. That is normal. If you are having difficulty progressing, you may need professional counseling assistance in helping through your emotions. There is no shame in that. Keep in mind that the legal system is equipped to deal only with legal aspects of divorce and provides no assistance with emotional issues. If either or both spouses have emotions that are not under control, the divorce process can take longer than it would otherwise, cost more in fees that it would otherwise, and be more stressful over all.

posted by Attorney Monaco on Jul 19

Through the divorce process, the assets and debts that have accumulated during the marriage will be divided between the two spouses. The starting point for divorces in Summit County is that all money, assets, and debts will be divided equally (unless the marriage is unusually short in duration). The income previously used to pay the expenses of your household will have to somehow stretch to pay for two. If you and your spouse cannot agree on how to do this, then the court will make the decision based upon the evidence. In order to prepare for the financial aspect of your divorce, it is necessary to identify all of the sources and amounts of income, all of the assets and their value, and all of the debts and their balances.

If you are considering divorce, I encourage you to locate and make a copy of the documents that identify the following before the legal case is filed (and before anyone moves out of the house), as it often becomes more difficult to obtain this documentation later on:

1. Complete federal income tax returns for the past three years with all schedules, W-2s, 1099s.
2. Income (paystubs, direct deposit statements, salary letter, employment contracts) with breakdown of overtime, commissions, and bonuses for the past three years.
3. Cost of daycare.
4. Cost of health insurance, including cost for just the children’s portion of the premium.
5. Real estate deeds, land contracts, options to purchase, leases, timeshares, cost of improvements, balance on mortgage at date of marriage, present mortgage, recent appraisals, financing/refinancing applications.
6. Titles to vehicles, boats, motors, trailers, campers, aircraft, ATVs, personal watercraft, motorcycles.
7. Financial and brokerage account statements for past year.
8. Life insurance policies with proof of cash surrender value, history of loans against the policies, and present beneficiary designation.
9. Health insurance policies, cards, booklets.
10. Pending or settled lawsuits or government claims (workers’ compensation, social security, etc).
11. Trust documents.
12. Notes receivable or loans to others.
13. Stocks, bonds, savings bonds or stock, stock options, other investment vehicles.
14. Most recent statement on all retirement benefits including IRAs, 401(k)s, 403(b)s, SEPs, Keoghs, government pensions, employer-provided pensions, as well as loans against them, value at date of marriage.
15. Tax returns and financial statements of all business interests.
16. Itemization of contents of house.
17. All other assets such as judgments, airline miles, gift certificates, deferred compensation, unused vacation or sick pay, etc.
18. Any documentation that your spouse has dissipated assets.
19. Documentation that your spouse has transferred funds or property with a value of $500 or more.
20. Current Social Security statement.
21. Balance on all debts including mortgages, vehicles, credit cards, store accounts, and utilities, including balances owed at date of marriage.
22. Credit card statements on all accounts for past six months.
23. Credit applications.
24. Bankruptcy documentation from any case filed in past seven years.
25. Safe deposit box documentation and entry cards.
26. Prenuptial agreements.
27. Any prior divorce decrees and qualified domestic relations orders (QDROs) of either party.

posted by Attorney Monaco on Jul 19

If you have children together, it is important that you find ways to handle conflicts with your spouse and avoid a legal battle over custody and related issues. Psychologists have concluded that the children most badly hurt by divorce are the ones whose parents are in “high conflict.” These parents let their anger at one another affect their daily lives and relationships, instead of finding ways to limit and contain the marital conflict. The intensity of their emotions leads to constant conflict outside court and frequent involvement of the court, all of which can have a detrimental affect on the children for years to come.

Since there is very little in your life that will have equipped you for dealing with all of the difficulties of divorce, you will likely need to seek help. There is no shame in that. You may need professional counseling assistance and your children might too.

The Summit County Domestic Relations Court requires parents to attend a three-hour educational class called “Remember the Children.” Many local agencies offer parenting classes for parents and adults. If you would like further information, please contact me.

posted by Attorney Monaco on Jul 19

If a divorce is imminent, it may be important from the start of the legal case as to which spouse is living in the home at the time. If you and your spouse cannot agree as to who is going to live in the home, at the first hearing in a divorce case in Summit County, the court will frequently maintain the status quo– thus, the spouse living in the house at the beginning of the divorce case will often be the one to continue living there until the case is concluded. There are a few exceptions. The court may change who may live in the house during the pending of the case if: (1) the absent spouse owned the house prior to the marriage, (2) if the spouse who is the primary caretaker of the children has moved out but now wants back in, and (3) the spouse living in the house presently cannot afford the expenses of the house even with child support and/or spousal support.

posted by Attorney Monaco on Aug 29

No one expects to go to work on any given day but never return home, but that is what happened to the victims of September 11. No one expects to lapse into a persistent vegetative state and never recover, as the Terri Shiavo case demonstrated. No one expects to lose her life in a hurricane, but that is what happened to many as a result of the recent hurricanes. No one wants their ex-spouse to inadvertently inherit property upon their death, but it happens. Are you prepared for the unexpected?

I seriously urge you to consider getting your worldly affairs in order while you can. Every adult needs a Will, a Health Care Power of Attorney, a Living Will, and possibly other estate planning documents.

A Will leaves your property to the people and organizations you choose, names someone to care for your minor children, and names your executor, the person with authority to make sure that the terms of your Will are carried out. Trusts and other estate planning documents can be very important in preserving assets and in ensuring distribution to chosen beneficiaries.

A Living Will is a type of advance directive in which you write your wishes about life-sustaining treatments if you become permanently unconscious or terminally ill and unable to communicate. A Health Care Power of Attorney is a type of advance directive that allows you to appoint someone to make medical decisions in the event you become unable to do so. The Health Care Power of Attorney differs from the Living Will in that the person authorized to make medical decisions can act in any situation where you are unable to communicate. In addition, you may also want to prepare an advance directive that allows you the option of not being resuscitated in the event of a cardiac or respiratory arrest as well as an advance directive if you wish to donate organs and/or tissues after death.

Having these legal documents in place is more than a practical necessity. Deciding on who you want to receive your property after your death can be a significant process. The peace of mind one achieves by preparing a Will and advance directives is very real and satisfying, and one less thing on your nagging list of things to do “someday.” Keep in mind that your final divorce papers only eliminate your ex-spouse from the picture. There are many other matters that must be addressed with these legal documents.

You may be surprised to learn that obtaining these documents does not need to be costly or time-consuming. You may obtain the advance directive forms from the Ohio Hospice and Palliative Care Organization at www.ohpco.org or by sending $3.00 to OHPCO, 1646 West Lane Avenue, Suite 2, Columbus, Ohio 43221. You may also obtain these forms and obtain assistance in writing your Will and other probate documents from a qualified attorney. Please let me know if you need a referral to someone qualified to assist you.